Your Girl
by WestCoastTrees
Summary: When Clare tells Eli of an event at the birthday party he plans for her, an emotional moment ensues. Clare and Eli learn more about the changes in the other during their time apart. ONESHOT.


**Twitter: westcoasttrees1**

**Tumblr: myheartisopen1986**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi. **

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A very nervous Clare Edwards shifted from one foot to the other as she finished whispering to her boyfriend on his porch, whose entire face darkened like a storm upon hearing her words.

"WHAT?" Eli burst out, feeling sheer panic and anger invade his whole body.

"Eli, Eli," Clare said desperately, knowing she needed to handle this situation carefully. Very, _very_ carefully.

She had planned it in her mind in the half an hour that she had disappeared from the party that Eli had lovingly planned for her upon noticing her low spirits in the past few days. Clare knew that he was coming up to the performance of the play he had written, a play that had sparked a mountain of controversy and gave Eli a thousand troubles while being written, cast, and practiced, and would surely give him another thousand more between in the next few days. Clare knew that he was under a lot of pressure from multiple sides with the play, so she had vowed not to do this to him, but Eli had figured her out within minutes at the party. She knew that she had to tell him now that he had realized something was wrong, regardless of how much she did not want to. She had resolved that now she had to do it, she at least had to be careful about the way in which she would tell him.

However, she realized that in just two seconds, Eli had gone from slightly worried about why she was not happier about her party to full-fledged horrified.

"Eli, Eli, I'm fine! Nothing happened!" Clare yelled with outstretched arms as she saw Eli's eyes wildly look around.

"This isn't happening, this can't be happening," Eli nervously said as Clare saw his hands violently shaking. "What did he do to you?" Eli then said, his lower jaw trembling.

"I need you to understand that I'm okay," Clare said slowly as Eli backed away, not wanting Clare to see his shaking. Little did he know that it could be seen from meters away – it was completely out of his control as his nervous system was being flooded with more adrenaline than he could manage.

"You need to tell me everything he did, stop feeding me this crap about being okay!" Eli yelled, and Clare flinched.

"When you say harassed, you mean he…he…" Eli said in a shaky voice, swallowing hard, "he raped you," he finally got out.

"No! He did not, he did not! He only made stupid comments and he…" Clare replied immediately, but then trailed off as this memory was very painful for the girl.

"Clare, tell me," Eli said as tears stung his eyes.

"He slapped my….my butt," she said, looking down at the ground.

"Clare…please, please, tell me everything. You're not telling me everything," Eli said.

"I am, Eli. Look at me," she said gently, and Eli did so. "I promise, that's all that happened," she replied.

"When?" Eli then said, and he felt his heart actually beating so fast in his chest that he said a silent prayer to the God he didn't believe in to just give his heart the power to hold on until Clare finished telling him everything so he could be sure of what had happened.

"During my internship, obviously. It was okay the first day – he seemed so nice. Tough boss, but nice. But the second day, he…made me feel uncomfortable," Clare said. "I reported it," she said, exhaling deeply. "Then," she said, closing her eyes in pain, "they fired me," she finished.

"You told me you left because you didn't like the work, it wasn't what you thought it would be," Eli said as his head was spinning and Clare saw him nervously cling to the edge of the porch in order to support his shaking upper body.

"I was…ashamed. Embarrased," the young girl whispered as her eyes stung.

"Clare, it's not your fault!" Eli said sternly. "Look at me," Eli said, taking his turn at the command. "Please look at me," he tried again, and Clare slowly did so.

"I know," Clare said, drawing all her strength together. "But I still feel like…such a failure. Look at you, Eli – published and writing two plays in this time…I can't seem to do anything right," Clare then said painfully.

Eli then gasped when he realized how much suffering his girlfriend had been hiding.

"Sweetheart," Eli said gently, trying to move but finding that his body did not allow him, "You are the most amazing girl I have ever met. You are published too," Eli pointed out. "And no internship is worth what you have been through," Eli said, his voice hoarse and his heart racing even faster. Eli wondered if it was possible for it to actually jump out of his chest.

"Nothing is worth what you went through, and it's not your fault. No one deserves to be abused like that," Eli said, and for the first time in a long time, Clare looked in her boyfriend's eyes and saw tears.

"Please don't cry," she whispered as she moved towards Eli.

"Clare…I…this is my worst nightmare," Eli said, tightly clutching his hair with his hands and violently letting it go the next minute. "Don't…don't…" he pleaded when he saw moving towards him.

"Eli, he didn't hurt me," she said softly, thinking he needed this reminder.

"Clare, I can't…I can't…." Eli said with large, laborious breaths as his entire body clammed up.

"I'm okay, Eli, I swear," she said gently.

"I was always afraid of something like this happening! Someone hurting you before I can do anything to stop it! But not only did I not stop it, I didn't even know about it!" Eli said with a large, powerful sob. "It's my job to protect you! MY JOB," he said, as Clare saw his knuckles turn white as he tightly clutched the edge of the porch.

"No, it's not," Clare said, feeling the anger coursing through her veins. "I'm not some little girl that needs protection!"

"You're my girlfriend! Don't you get it, Clare? This is my fault," Eli said, desperately breathing now.

"No, it's not," Clare said, rolling her eyes at Eli's predictable reaction.

"I've been too busy with the play, I….it's happening again, it's my fault again, I can't…I can't," Eli got out between large, gasping breaths.

"What are you gonna do, Eli, follow me around everywhere? I was going to an internship, a safe, normal thing!" Clare defended herself.

"Obviously not! It was obviously not safe and not normal," Eli shot back.

Clare recoiled at his words and took another step away from him.

"Eli," she said softly, and she saw him lean along one of the poles of the porch and he slowly slid down to the ground as if someone had knocked the life force right out of him.

"I'm gonna kill him," Clare then heard him say, and the haunting look in Eli's eyes scared her to the very core.

"That's EXACTLY why I didn't tell you!" Clare said, exhaling in frustration at Eli. "I don't want you to fight him, so I didn't tell you! If even Jake punched him, God knows what you'd – " Clare began, but upon realizing her mistake, she covered her mouth with her palm.

She hoped Eli hadn't caught on, but when he looked up at her at once, she felt her heart drop.

"You told Jake? JAKE KNEW?" Eli said, and Clare began to be afraid for Eli's life when she saw what that piece of news did to his breathing.

"I…he's my brother," Clare defended herself.

"If even Jake punched him, I'd do something completely…crazy, right?" Eli then asked, and Clare hated how he had fully caught on to her rapid thought. "Because I'm crazy. Because that's what I am," Eli said, and Clare saw a tear fall down his face.

"Well, it's true!" Clare said quickly, her anger getting the best of her.

"Right," Eli said, and Clare realized that not even when he had talked about Julia had he looked so devastated. Not even as he was lying on the floor in the aftermath of Fitz' knife had Eli ever looked…like he was now. It didn't help that he was in the same exact position on the floor right now as he was the awful night of the Vegas dance.

"I am…crazy," Eli whispered, "And…that's why you told Jake and didn't even tell me. Jake," Eli said as another tear fell. "You…you don't trust me," Eli whispered painfully.

"I just didn't want you to worry, to feel guilty," Clare replied as she moved towards Eli again.

"Clare…I'm supposed to be the person you share everything with. I'm supposed to be the person who protects you!" Eli said as he moved his hand over his heart and winced.

"What's wrong?" Clare asked, worried as the stress being placed on Eli's body was evident to her.

"Tell me everything," Eli said, wincing even more powerfully as his body shook.

"Eli, you need help," she whispered.

"Don't say that, please don't say that," Eli cried. "I can't handle that right now, it's so hurtful when people say that," he pleaded.

"I didn't mean it like that," Clare said gently. "I mean physically, not mentally. Something's wrong – is your heart hurting? No you're 17, 17 year olds don't…" Clare trailed off, wondering if they really could have heart attacks.

"If you don't tell me everything that happened, not leaving anything out, and tell me the truth, I'm pretty sure – "Eli said, taking another laborious, slow breath.

"I'm pretty sure," he choked, "I'm pretty sure I'll die," he said. "I…don't mean to be melodramatic," Eli then added with a forced laugh, "but…I'm pretty sure I'll die, I…I can feel it," Eli deadpanned. He was fully serious and Clare knew it.

"Oh my God," Clare gasped, taking in his teary eyes and the way he didn't seem able to focus them on anything; they were oscillating in a haunting manner.

"Clare…all you have to do is tell me, and then I'll be okay," Eli said, pausing again for a slow breath followed by more shaking.

"Okay, okay," Clare said as she took a seat next to Eli.

It took her fifteen minutes, but she eventually got through it all, including the fight between Jake and Ascher that had ended in a two day suspension for both of them.

Throughout it all, she saw Eli close his eyes in pain as she got through the worst parts, recounting Ascher's words and actions. The shaking never stopped, the panic in his eyes – when he kept them open – never fled, and Clare knew that Eli was living through one of the most painful things in his life.

"One more time," Eli pleaded with her at the end of it all, and she knew what he meant.

"He did not rape me. He didn't leave a single mark on my body," Clare whispered.

"Again," Eli whispered, and despite her irritation, Clare knew that he needed this.

It was three while minutes before Eli finally said, "Thank you. For telling me," and Clare ventured to ask…

"Are you feeling better? Eli…you're shaking so hard," she said in a whisper.

"I'm sorry…for freaking out like this. You can…why don't you ask Jake to take you home?" Eli said, staring at the floor the whole time.

"What?" Clare asked, in shock that Eli said this.

"You….want Jake," Eli whispered, and again, Clare saw his hand move to his hard as he gritted his teeth and tried to breathe in air that didn't seem to listen to him.

"No, I don't," Clare said stubbornly.

"When you are scared, you go to Jake. It's okay, Clare, I get it," Eli said, giving her a small smile. "You…go with Jake now. It's…what's meant to be," he said with a shrug. "I'll tell everyone we broke up, and that way you won't be involved," Eli said.

"Involved in what?" Clare asked.

"Ascher's gonna pay," Eli said in a crystal clear voice.

"Eli, no," Clare pleaded. "If it's going to be like this, you know I can't be with you," she warned.

"That, my dear," Eli said in a haunting voice as he stripped a little bit of paint off the floorboards, "is irrelevant. You want Jake. And I…want justice," Eli replied.

"Justice is not you spending the rest of your life in jail," Clare pleaded with Eli.

"Justice also isn't a two day suspension, or whatever joke sentence a judge would give him. If there was justice, a drunk driver wouldn't still be out there after killing a teenage girl who would have done so much good, and my best friend wouldn't have been shot," Eli said as he winced in pain again.

"Eli…what are you going to do?" Clare said in sheer panic.

"Where's Jake, Clare?" Eli asked, sounding exhausted. "I invited him to make you happy, I'm sure he's gotta be here still," Eli finished.

"Eli…Jake is a brother to me," Clare said, and Eli looked up at her with nothing but love in his eyes.

"Sweetheart," Eli said, and Clare loved that he was calling her that for the second time ever, "I love you. You are the love of my life, Clare. You always will be. I would die if anything ever happened to you. But…I don't think I've ever been more hurt in my life than when you told me that you leaned on Jake for support and protection…and didn't tell me anything," Eli whispered, tightly clutching the black T-shirt fabric that rested over his heart.

"It was a mistake," Clare said, realizing this for the first time. "But you've been under so much pressure with the play, I didn't want to add to any of it," Clare added.

"Because you thought I'd snap," Eli finished for her.

"I just…Eli…no. I was…embarrassed, and scared," Clare said.

"Of me? How could you ever be embarrassed in front of me?" Eli asked, trying to comprehend.

"I just…it was horrible, Eli," Clare said with a quiver in her voice.

"Oh sweetheart…" Eli said painfully. "My poor, sweet girl," he said gently as he winced in more pain.

"Eli, I'm worried about your heart," Clare whined.

"My heart's not the one we have to be worried about," Eli said, exhaling deeply and wiping his tear-stained face with his sleeve. "Is it me, Clare? Is it me…or Jake?" Eli asked plainly.

"It's always been you, Eli," Clare said sweetly. "I don't want anyone but you, and I'm sorry I didn't realize it before," she pleaded.

When Eli held his arms open for her with a teary smile, Clare didn't waste a minute in running right in them.

"Oh, my poor sweet girl," Eli repeated as he adjusted his legs so Clare's pretty party dress wouldn't ever reach her floor and get dirty. He immediately pulled it down over her legs when it rode up a little, because he knew she didn't like to be so exposed. Eli then gently cuddled her distressed body into his arms, tightly wrapping them around her and placing a gentle kiss in her curls before he lifted her body along with his and brought them both to the swing on his parents' porch.

"I'm so sorry I wasn't there when you needed me," Eli whispered into her ear as he gently began rocking the swing and Clare closed her eyes and for the first time in a long time, let her worries slip away as she only focused on the gentle, loving touches that Eli was giving her. First her hair; he gently kissed almost every curl as he rubbed her arms, and when she looked up at him innocently, Eli kissed her gently and felt her smile and kiss him back energetically.

"This is when I need you, Eli," Clare corrected him. "You can't control everyone in the world, you know," she said. "And I stopped it, I reported it," she reminded him.

"It's awful that those idiots took your internship away, but you did the right thing, Clare. You were strong and powerful like the girl I know and I love," Eli told he gently as he softly stroked her legs.

"You're right, Eli. An internship isn't worth it," Clare said as she inhaled the scent of Eli's cologne, resting her head in the crook of his neck.

"It's not your fault, you know. Tell me you know that," Eli told her.

"I know," Clare said with a smile. "I wish I had told you earlier. I could have used this," Clare said as she sighed happily in his embrace and kissed him again.

"I'm sorry I freaked out," Eli said, embarrassed. "It's just that…it's my biggest nightmare, love. You getting hurt and me not being able to stop it," Eli explained, and Clare hated how the shaking began all over again.

"I guess I didn't help by not telling you. I'm sorry, Eli, I should have," Clare slowly said.

"I'd like to believe that you would from now on. Clare…" Eli trailed off.

"Eli, your heart," Clare then said as she rose a little and towered above him in their embrace. "What was happening there?" she asked.

"It was my worst nightmare coming true…and it felt like I was dying," Eli explained as Clare leaned in and touched her forehead to his, casing her soft curls to embrace the right side of Eli's face.

"I'm okay, Eli, I'm right here in your arms," Clare said with a giggle right before Eli captured her lips.

"It's just that…you didn't tell me," Eli said, hating that he was still stuck on this…but he could not let it go. "That's what scared me the most. That you don't trust me to take care of you…That you don't want me to take care of you," he added.

"This has always been hard for me," Clare said.

"But I'm your boyfriend! Everytime," Eli replied, his voice laced with emotion, "Everytime you don't want me take care of you, I….nothing hurts as much as that, Clare," he explained.

Clare breathed deeply and said, "My mom says every girl should want a boyfriend who wants to take care of her. That's what she told me when I told her we got back together, you know," Clare said.

"You talked to your mom about us?" Eli asked in shock.

"Yes," Clare said with a giggle.

"And she approved?" Eli asked, even more schocked.

"She said that you are protective and intelligent and driven and ambitious, which makes you exactly the kind of guy she wants me to be with," Clare said. "And I've decided that…I'll let you protect me from now on. But….Eli, you can't be there all the time," Clare pointed out.

"Thank you," Eli said, sounding ever so relieved. "I won't kill Ascher, but…there is something I will do," Eli replied.

"What?" Clare asked.

"Will you let me talk to Simpson? I don't think he should be at school anymore," Eli said.

"Eli…" Clare sighed, "All right – just for you. Only for you," Clare replied.

"Thank you," Eli said, sounding very relieved. "And tell Jake thanks for beating the crap out of that guy," he said, and Clare actually rewarded him with a giggle.

"Eli?" Clare asked.

"Yes, love?" Eli asked, placing another kiss in her curls.

"I think…you know what you said about how I am the love of your life?" Clare asked as she played with the fabric above his heart.

"I know you don't like it when I talk like that, I'm sorry, it just slipped out," Eli sighed.

"I think you're the love of my life," Clare deadpanned, ignoring Eli's earlier comment.

"I love you," Eli slowly whispered to her. "And everyday I feel like the luckiest guy alive for getting to hold you, just like this. This right here is all I've ever wanted," Eli said, looking at Clare meaningfully.

"You're so patient with me, Eli," Clare told him as she touched the cross around her neck subconsciously.

"It must have been so scary," Eli gently said.

"It was," Clare admitted.

"He'll never be around you again, I swear," Eli vowed.

"Eli…you know how I told you that…maybe someday might be soon?" Clare asked, referring to her new feelings after the lessons Jake had given her on the subject of sex not meaning exactly what Clare saw it as.

"Uh huh," Eli said, his throat suddenly dry.

"I don't….I'm not…" Clare hesitated, not meeting Eli's eyes.

"Clare?" Eli asked, gently taking her hand and interlacing their fingers.

"I have another job as your boyfriend, you know," Eli said with a smile.

"What's that?" Clare asked.

"My job is to…wait for you. My job is to….take care of you, especially when it comes to that. I want…I want to become the kind of man who is worthy of you. I want…to make enough money to get to ask you to marry me, buy you a pretty white house with a swing on the porch, and…have our wedding, and…maybe then, if I ever get to ask you to marry me someday, maybe then…we can revisit this subject," Eli said, caressing Clare's fingers with his own.

"Oh, Eli," Clare sighed, touched by his words. "I don't know if it'll be that long, but…it might," Clare said slowly.

"I don't care about that, Clare. I know what it means to you," Eli emphasized.

"You really think about that? About…a white house?" Clare asked as she began playing with the zipper on his jacket again.

"Um, I'm sorry, I know it's creepy, I swear I don't obsess over it, but err- Bullfrog said he always thought about it with Cece, and my doctor said it's okay to, and oh God, now I'm just rambling," Eli said as his cheeks gained a deep red blush.

"I think…it's beautiful," Clare said with sparkling eyes, leaning in to peck Eli's lips in order to silence him.

"It's just…a fantasy," Eli replied as he looked deep into Clare's eyes and in that moment, both of the teens knew that it was more than such a thing.

It was a plan. Eli's plan.

"I'm so lucky to have fallen in love with you," Clare sighed blissfully as she delighted in Eli's caresses of her hair.

"I love you, Clare," Eli whispered, and as she leaned her head on his shoulder, Eli flashed her a smirk and leaned in to place a kiss directly on top of the delicate cross that rested in between the tips of Clare's collarbones.

When she giggled and playfully shoved him away, Eli gave her his first true smile of the night.

"I'd wait forever," Eli told her as he touched the cross. "I'd do anything for you," he added.

"I know. I'm lucky to have a man like you, like my mom said," Clare sighed.

"I can't believe your mom said that," Eli replied incredulously.

"She said something about what it meant for you to bring your dad when you came to see her and say the things you said. She said you take good care of me…and she's right," Clare admitted.

"I love you," Eli said with a shrug, meaning it as the simplest explanation for his actions.

"I know. And your love is…healing," Clare said with a sparkle in her eyes. She gently reached for Eli's hand and placed in on her shoulder.

"I love you too," she told him, and she then placed her hand on top of his. She brought her lips so close to his that they were sharing the same air as Eli's breath oscillated with emotion as Clare moved her hand and guided Eli's down the side of her body, caressing the curves of her chest and tracing the fabric of her skirt below her belt. Eli watched her close her eyes as she kept Eli's hand a few inches below her belt and led him into a gentle kiss. When she released his hand, Eli continued the path that Clare had led him to, and he gently caressed her legs, leaning down to place a kiss on her knee cap as well.

"Are you okay?" Eli then asked after giving her a slow kiss.

"I wanted your touch on my body to be the one I remembered," Clare said emotionally.

"I promise you I will get him away from Degrassi. I…have a secret weapon," Eli said mischievously.

"What do you mean?" Clare asked.

"My therapist will come in and threaten to sue Simpson if he doesn't ensure a transfer," Eli replied.

"What?" Clare asked. "How do we know she'll do that?"

"Because when her and I discussed how I should have handled Fitz, she promised me that…she was my secret weapon. She said she'd get bullies thrown out of Degrassi before their heads even stopped spinning if they messed with me. Ascher is a monster for what he did to you, and she will make sure he ends up where he belongs," Eli explained.

Clare didn't realize how relieved this option made her until she heard Eli explain it so beautifully. She realized that this way…she could have peace.

"I love you," she whispered emotionally.

"I promise you, Clare, I promise you," Eli said as he hugged her tightly, never wanting to let her go. When he noticed Clare's tight grip on him as well, he knew she was reciprocating his feelings.

"And we'll find you a better internship," Eli promised her. "The best in Toronto, I swear," he vowed.

"I love you," Clare repeated, because it was the only thought she could sustain in the moment. "What would I do without you?" she asked as she towered over him in their embrace once more and pushed his bangs back lovingly.

"Seems to me…you'd be just fine," Eli told her, knowing it was what she needed to hear.

"Eli?" Clare then asked as she rested her head on his chest.

"Yes?" he asked.

"I want you to know how much I appreciate you. I know I don't always show it, but I really do," Clare said.

"Thank you, love," Eli said, and Clare felt his heart slow down as she placed her palm over it.

"I really scared you, didn't I?" she asked.

"You would have really scared me if you waited any longer," Eli told her.

"From now on, I tell you everything right away, I swear," Clare said, because she had realized that Eli…really had so close to being broken.

"What's wrong with your heart though?" she asked as she gently rotated her palm over his T-shirt.

"I just felt like I couldn't breathe, I wanted to turn back time," Eli replied.

"I don't want to keep hurting you like this," Clare said.

"This isn't about me, Clare, it's about making sure you're okay," Eli stated.

"I really am. I don't think I could be any happier right now," Clare honestly said.

"I'm sorry I didn't handle the news better. If I love you a little more than I should…please forgive me. I often know not what I do…but you getting hurt…I can't live with that, Clare. Everything I do, Clare…I do it for you. I always will," Eli said, embarrassed.

"Eli…I have not felt as calm and as looked after ever since it happened…until now. Until lying here in your arms like this," Clare said as she grabbed his hand and kissed it, much to Eli's surprise.

"You're my girl, Clare," Eli said before leaning in for a gentle kiss.

"I'll always be your girl, Eli. I'll never not be your girl," Clare replied as she brushed back his bangs.

"Oh," she giggled as Eli boldly repeated the earlier movement of his hand, delighting that Clare seemed to love it, "and thank you for my party," she said between many other giggles.

"Don't underestimate me, Edwards," Eli said with a smirk and Clare raised an eyebrow at him as he reached into the inside of his leather jacket and pulled out a small black velvet box.

"Happy birthday, love. I…um…I have a gift receipt if you don't like it – feel free to exchange it," Eli said nervously.

Clare gave him a little frown at all the talk of exchange, and she took the box from his hands gently and opened it to reveal a sight that took her breath away.

"Oh, Eli," she sighed. "It's beautiful," she said.

"Really?" he asked.

"I don't think I've ever had a bracelet this beautiful," Clare said as she gestured for Eli to put it on. She admired its intricate gold pattern – thin gold threads were interwoven amongst each other while delineated by wider gold bands on either side. There were also five beautiful shiny stones interwoven among the strands, shining a blue just as striking as Clare's eyes.

"Eli, it must have been so expensive," Clare said Eli admired her beautiful wrist.

"Nah," Eli lied. "My girl's worth the Hope diamond," he said with a smirk. "Besides, good thing about being single for so long is that I was able to save some money, get you a better present. Seventeen special," Eli said with a shrug.

"Eli," Clare sighed emotionally again. "This is amazing. It is the best birthday present I've ever gotten," she praised.

"Set the bar high for myself for next year," Eli winked. "I was just so happy to have my girl back," he confessed.

"For next year?" Clare asked with a raised eyebrow, wanting to make Eli sweat a little.

"Um, a tad optimistic?" Eli asked, remembering a moment months ago that had made his heart sink.

"You set the bar high for next year…and the year after that…and the year after that…and…so on….forever," Clare said, looking up at Eli in doubt at the last word.

"Forever?" Eli asked.

"I…want to try, for…forever," Clare said with a nod.

"Me too," Eli replied at once.

"Know why?" Clare asked.

"Why?"

"Because…I'll never not be your girl," Clare said with a teasing smile as she gently leaned in close to Eli and he kissed her cheek as she giggled in delight in his arms.


End file.
